temporary colorblindness

the inneitablity of rain always somehow manages to produce gray emotions. Boredom, a lack of light, a permanent downpour and the coldness that envelops london. Somehow the sadness of the surroundings manages to transport itself into the many habitants of the city....this however is not the case in my instance. The permanent lack of colour within november has provoked a colourblindness and an acuteness of the senses which creates a simplistic view of the surroundings. Innevitable questions transport themselves within me as i travel, and it is mostly during the daily commute that i find myself thinking oer matters such as these. The perception of colour may vary from indiidual to individual. what i have been taught is green may in fact be blue to someone elses eyes, however both me and the someone else are totally unaware of our perceptions of the colour green in this instance and how they differ, if indeed they differ for both of us. Colourblindness therefore removes the difficulty implimented by the different perceptions that we both have of a certain colour. Yet awareness of a certain colour is only due to the education that we hae receied, because society has told us that the colour is called green.....therefore innevitably society has achieved in telling us what to see, what to perceive.

Yet appreciation of a colour can never be taught. And the freedom of individuality is trully expressed, although unconsciously, through our eyes. If what we see is trully different than to what the next person sees then that marks as as individuals and the freedom to do that can never be taken away. Unless ofcourse colourblindness falls upon us, in which case complete colourblindness is the removal of individuality. A simplistic view of the world and our surroundings, everything permanently viewed as an antique photograph. Does simplictiy aid in the understanding of the world, or does it only simplify a complex situation to a black and white view?

I am filled with thoughts regarding colour. Such a beautiful concept yet so untangible, so untouchable it makes it hard to understand how it exists. Existance and life are other subjects that fascinate me.

Life otherwise has been filled with excitement. The remopval of one coloured substance from my daily existance, namely heroin, has improved my perception. My moods are not swinging anymore in a permanent wind that is life. i have come to the realisation that i have become a thinker. My thoughts no longer feel frozen, they can roam and roam in my head, be censored and manipulated, moulded and changed by perception and renewal of ideas. It is new experiences, and it feels like my existance is something more than simply an existance, i am living again! As cringe as the concept sounds, it is ultimatley true.

Oer and out for today....

the continuity of imagination

It is a wonderous experience when i read a book and it sparks within me the want to write. The need to document things down ad to create. The feeling never lasts anymore.currently i feel im working too hard, i seem to be constantly seeking new knoledge. someone once described the brain as a sponge, ever filling itself up with information, the flaws are clear..what happens when this sponge gets saturated..does that mean that one can become so informed that no more information can be aquired...that a rather horrible thought that i would not like to consider currently.back to the writing, i want to do it i'm just scared that i will leave things out, will relive the experience and no be able to re-tell it quite in the same way that i imagine it. Thats the problem with writing, it innevitably fails short of the writer, it lets him down. there is only so much that words can express, and yet so many choices of words. November dosent seem to be enveloping itself with the usual sadness. it wasnt love. the south african crush wasnt love, it was simply a phase, a passing obsession. i am grateful however, one needs constant inspiration and change, new experiences and new emotions in order to protect the continuity of imagination. im rambing..i have too many ideas wondering through my head...i shall begin writing my book....this weekend....and continue to keep a rambled account of the dreary existance that i seem to be enduring.