boredom in the city that never sleeps....

went out last night...the usual array of drinking drugs, music partying and socialising. it was nice don't get me wrong. I felt i sort of had to go out, especially after such a week! My best friend/sexual interest/ lover/ fellow drug taker came back from south africa. Only for the week. It was amazing. Sure a lot of money was spent, a lot of time wasted as i didnt attent college, and im back on the slippery slope that heroin encourages you to slide upon.

I was going to stop, but he called me, and the sound of his voice was enough to get me to call the dealer. Why? i dont know, i am aware of how stupid it is, i am aware of how we could have had a week with less drama had the heroin not been involved.

he told me he loved me, i told it back. I think it needed to be heard because when he left before neither of us said anything. the thing is that after last night i dont know if i will be able to get in touch again. My phone was stolen, his number lost, evaporated like a droplet of water off a leaf, and no one seems to have it. Even if they hvae it, perhaps its best to keep us appart as we would innevitably end up in a whirlwind of our own distruction.

I slept with an old fling as well. It was only to get myself to forget about the south africa lover....and god im going to miss him so much.

I guess the key is to keep busy, i need to stop the drugs, i really do. My best friend is going to join me in the struggle to stay clean. its going to be difficult, but i guess thats always the case.

The parents dont know about the relapse, about the drug taking. I dont want them to get hurt again. Perhaps i cant be bothered with the hassle of it all. Anyway, its the beginning of a new week tomorrow and im going to document every single day of it....

Dexy xx