the innevitability of repetition....

it is innevitable not getting into a routine.... early morning wake up...rain pattering on my windows...i would rather stay in bed but i know i cant. Legs are in pain, head is spinning, i have a cigarette and wait for the water from the shower to heat up. Get in, feel naked and exposed but enjoy washing with such hot water....still not fully awake at this point...get out of the shower and jump into bed after enveloping a dressing gown around me. i sit in bed and attempt getting dressed with the covers over me...then its the same old journey. Rush out the house, forget keys, phone, book or similar item..have to turn back..run to the train station...get there early thus have a cigarette...or get there just in time and have to jump on the train....

same routine, same rush...i contemplated this as i put my music up and stood still for a minute. a whole minute....in this minute people are being born, others dying, some sleeping, others working, the endless possibilities are amazing and yet uncomprehendable...i simply watch, the rush.....the crowds at victoria station. They vaguely remind me of a poem i once read...well a couple of poems. Dante's inferno where he describes hell....people wandering around, avoiding each other, each person so removed from anyone else..its amazing we make contact when we are so removed and self involved, in a rush, busy and unaware of each other. Sometimes i wonder what it would be like to hear everyone thoughts...half of them i wouldnt be able to grasp, purely because of the complicated nature of it!!!!

anyway..im tired.....shall continue preaching tomorrow..
xx

perception...

If for example you think of a word...any word.....take love....an emotion. yet my idea of love is different from anyone elses idea..yet the word remains the same. when i think of love, i think of my own love affair...or what i would like to call a love affair. i think of the emotions that i felt towards my best friend as i lay on top of him stroking his chest. i think of my mother and of a dog i once had. I think of the many tears that i have cried for being in love. Yet i maintain to think that i have never been in love....and how am i to comprehend what someone with a broken heart is talking about when they describe to me their emotions..and how they describe love!!

This perception...or understanding of what someone has said can never be completly comprehended....when i say something, no one is going to understand the extent to what i mean...especially when concentrating with emotions.....and yet through communication, through words and language, i can attempt to make a connection, to achieve the impossible and let someone see the inside of my mind...the inner thoughts and whirlwind that goes on....

It's late tonight and im starting to get deep thoughts. Besides its been a heavy weekend....im going to retire to bed....!